I have found myself really struggling the last few days. I meant to start counting calories/working out again today, but I just wasn't feeling like getting out of bed, and basically stayed there until I had to go to work. I know things will get better, and I know that it won't be this way for long, but I can't help but be sad.
I think I mentioned this before, but the owner of the restaurant that Cody works at is opening a new restaurant. Although Cody is going to continue working full time at the restaurant he's at now, the owner wants him to sort of "oversee" this new restaurant. When they opened the first restaurant, Cody worked a ton of hours over a few weeks - probably a month without a day off, working 12-15 hour days. The last three weeks, Cody hasn't had a day off, except Thanksgiving. For almost a month now, our schedule has been something like this:
8:30 - Cody wakes up
9:00 - Cody comes in and gives me a kiss goodbye
10:00 - I wake up
2:00 - I go to work
10:30 - Cody comes home and goes to bed
11:45 - I get home, Cody is sleeping
So the only communication between us has been the kiss in the morning, and a "hi babe, love you" when I get into bed at night. I'm so proud of all that he's done - he helped open one hugely successful restaurant, and has now basically opened this second restaurant by himself, which I also know will be hugely successful. I am proud that I married a hardworking, smart, creative man who I know will be able to provide for our family forever. And I know that the past few weeks, and the next few weeks are going to come and go, and we'll get back to normal. But I also know that I'm lonely, and I miss him. He's my best friend, and I miss him.
I was excited because they had originally planned on having the new restaurant open by Wednesday, and Cody would be able to take Tuesday off, and I also have tuesday off, so we'd finally be able to get some time to actually spend together. Today, his kitchen manager quit. There is no way that they would be able to hire and train a new kitchen manager by Wednesday. They would need to hire 2 more cooks to fill the 50-60 hours that the kitchen manager would have been working per week, which means that a) they won't be able to open in time, and b) Cody is going to have to work harder than he already his. I know he's stressed out, and I know he's exhausted, and I wish I could do something to make him feel better.
I think I just needed to rant for a minute, I don't want to tell Cody how I feel, because that will stress him out even more than he already is. So thanks for reading my vent. :)
I Karen I completely understand and the feeling you are having are familiar too. My husband is a resident and works LONG hours as well. Many night when he is on call he doesn't come home at all and since we have three kids when he does get home most of his time is spent with them to try to be an involved dad. I frequently get the kiss and love you that can just leave me feeling lonely too. Since this is normal life around here with the end in years instead of months I have learned some things to make it better. One is that you simply must have more time together (not that that is simple). If I can make a suggestion, there is nothing that lifts your mood like being proactive and deciding to change your life for the better. Get up when he gets up. I know you will be a little more tired but think of it as training for when you have kids, lol. I do this with my husband who gets up at 5:30 every day even if I have had a rough night so that we can talk. It brings so much closeness to start your day together. Give it a try, I know it's hard to sacrifice sleep... but give it a try!
ReplyDeleteJust letting you know you are heard! It is always great to have people to vent to. And vent on sister! Sorry that you have to go through that. I dont fully understand, but I also dont see my hubby monday-friday except for 30 min. before bed. But I do see him on the weekends. It is frustrating, and I feel for you! Hope things get better. When im lonely, I just try to keep busy!
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