Motivation.

I've been feeling really down lately.  There's so much going on in my life that I don't feel in control of anymore.  Between my husbands schedule changing at work (causing us to not see each other as much), my job (which is getting worse, but I can't seem to find a job that pays decent, and uses my degree), and my friends (who, since we've gotten married, have seem to dwindle away, because my life doesn't revolve around alcohol anymore), I'm just feeling very lonely and unhappy.  I love my husband; he's not the issue. He's one of the only good things in my life.  If I didn't have him, I don't know what I would do.  It's every other aspect of my life that I feel stuck on.  I wish that we had the money to not have to worry week to week how the bills will get paid.  I wish that I could wake up every morning, excited to go to work.  I wish that I worked the same schedule as my husband so that I'd be able to see him more.  I wish I had friends that want to be friends with me, and not just the bottle.  I spend a lot of my time by myself, and most of the time it doesn't bother me, but lately I've been finding the loneliness making it's way into my mind.

All of this has been affecting my motivation.  I was so motivated last week.  I was absolutely determined to make it to the gym every other day, and complete the C25K in 8 weeks.  I wanted it more than anything.  And then I became that emotional eater/lazy person/whatever, and now it's been 4 days since I've been to the gym. I've eaten fast food twice, and I'm not motivated what so ever.  I know that I'll find myself motivated again, I just need to find the tools to get through these moments.

Don't think that I'm going to let this beat me.  I won't.  I have let it beat me for the last 27 years.  It needs to stop, or I'm gonna find myself with a much shorter life than I want.  I'll get over this, and I'll be even more motivated.